


The Perfect Gentleman

by Daggers_and_daisychains



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Pining, Ridiculous Space Swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 18:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8633377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daggers_and_daisychains/pseuds/Daggers_and_daisychains
Summary: Peeper had planned,studied and plotted and now he was the perfect gentleman. All he needed to do was make sure Hater followed his example and Queen Entozoa's empire would be theirs....wait, is that Wander? Oh Glorn





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off the humanizations of pixlezq, you can see here:  
> http://pixlezq.tumblr.com/post/109151777292/my-half-of-an-art-trade-with-maria-ruta-i-hope  
> or here  
> http://mutantoveryonder.tumblr.com/post/108257505314/pixlezq-wander-over-yonder-designs-are-fun  
> she even drew fan art for the fic!  
> http://qtarts.tumblr.com/post/142985260728/bow-before-princess-kitkat-wrote-an-adorable

Peepers was sitting straight backed in a solid gold chair much too large for him, as always at Lord Hater’s side. He had made sure everything was perfect. He’d practiced etiquette with Hater until he had fallen asleep on the conference table, mumbling the order of salad forks and soup spoons in his sleep, He had chosen Hater’s best robes and made sure they were pressed and ironed. He’d adjusted his bow tie just so and gone over conversation topics. 

 

This dinner party would go perfectly down to the last detail.

 

Sure, there was competition. Emperor Awesome had been seated next to him, but he was sure the only party experience he had was with clubbing and he certainly didn’t have a commander who had researched Queen Entozoa’s likes and dislikes down to her favorite toothpaste.

 

Peeper had planned,studied and plotted. And now he was the perfect gentleman. All he needed to do was make sure Hater followed his example.  
There were a few other guests,no one notable. some creatures that were chewing on each other’s tails, that big purple monster who already looked nervous and a disembodied cloak. But no one could even come close to being real competition. As far as he was concerned, her empire was already theirs. 

 

Peepers made sure to keep his face neutral as Queen Entozoa began “I’ve gathered you all here because-” her blue skin was wrinkled and sagged below her face, wobbling as she talked and spit flew out of her wrinkled mouth in gobs. He tried very hard not to stare. “I’m dyyyyy-” she drew out the last word in a drone that sounded as if the life had just left her decrepit body. Her eyes suddenly rolled back into her head and she slumped lifelessly on the table with an audible ‘thump’.

 

The villains all stared in shock and horror, Peepers allowed himself a second to gawk at the sight before assessing the situation. With Queen Entozoa dead the dinner party would quickly turn into a straight up blood bath as the villains fought for her power. One hand slid to his blaster and the other to his communicator, he knew Hater could hold off Emperor Awesome, but how long would it take for the watchdogs to arrive? He couldn’t take all these enemies on his own, he scanned the room for any resources when--  
“--ying!” The Queen’s head shot up and she looked around at them with a bright, if sagging smile. “To tell you something” she continued, her eyes narrowing and her smile turning villainous. “I’m dying” she shrugged “but before I die I will bequeath to you, my vast empire and extensive power which I have spent a thousand years building!” 

 

The villains stared hungrily at her massive fleet spread out behind her in the starry sky. Peepers’ gaze was fierce. Soon it would be all theirs and Lord Hater would spread evil throughout the entire galaxy, thanks to his genius. He was careful not to smile too smugly, but he knew without looking a sinful grin had spread across Hater’s face. They high fived still watching the fleet, images of destruction and glory already flashing through their minds. 

 

The big purple monster interrupted with a laugh

 

“A thousand years old? You don’t look a day over four hundred!” He tapped his claws together nervously and looked around the table for support.

 

“Right guys?” 

 

They stared back at him blankly. Peepers knew a cheap compliment when he heard one, and gently nudged Hater with his boot. This was going to fall flat. Just as he predicted the Queen glared at the foolish monster and tapped her staff against the floor twice. Instantly his chair fell and he was dragged out by her guards in a menacing procession. 

“W-wait! No! What if I say you do look your age? Or older!” The monster wailed as he was pulled into the hallway. The door slammed shut and a flash of magenta light and his screams of pain resounded through the dining hall. Hater and Peepers stared at the door in a mix of horror, fear and admiration. 

“That was desperate!” Queen Entozoa shrieked and they both turned back to her.

 

“I can’t stand desperate!” She stabbed a crooked wavering finger in the air.  
“Whomever I bequeath control of my power to must be someone possessing great strength someone deserving. I do not want weaklings!” She shrieked, then dissolved into coughing. Peepers smiled and leaned over to Hater 

 

“This is perfect, Sir! Now there’s nobody standing in your way!” 

 

Nothing could go wrong now.

 

“Sorry, I’m late!” 

 

A familiar annoying voice sang out Peepers and Hater gaped as Wander strode happily into the room, a blue bowtie around his neck. No, thought Peepers no, no, no, no! This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be here! Hater had brought up Wander many times as they prepared for this but he’d said “Sir, really? Can you imagine that wandering weirdo in a place as high class as Queen Entozoa’s? He’d be kicked out before he even got in!” 

 

But somehow he had and now he was walking into the room with that big goofy smile, Peepers blood went cold all his carefully laid plans, ruined. No, not ruined he couldn’t psych himself out he could take care of Wander easily. He could handle that weak little weirdo anyday! 

 

Then he saw Sylvia. Wreathed in pearls,magenta hair sculpted artfully around her face. She strode forward with a strength and grace native to a Zbornak. She fixed him with a half lidded stare, heavy with a warning. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak, for a second he was frozen. Before today he’d rarely seen the Zbornak as anything but Wander’s dangerous bodyguard. Sure she could throw a mean right hook and had obviously mastered the art of combat and evasion. He’d seen her as the more level headed and dangerous of the two, she was clever and often matched wits and left him bruised and beaten, he considered her his personal rival of the two.

 

Wander was annoying and seemed to have fate on his side, but Sylvia was clever and strong. But now as she strode into the palace with a look of cool disinterest, he had to admit she was beautiful. 

 

Wait, beautiful? 

 

No, that’s nonsense it was just the lighting or the ambiance and he hadn’t gotten much sleep. He was just stressed about the party, that was all. He barely registered Wander’s babbling and cheery wave towards them. He exchanged a horrified look with Hater, and tried to pretend they were horrified for the same reason. Hater’s jaw hit the floor, as Peepers picked it up and fixed it back on Hater’s face he tried to focus on the problem.

 

“Wander!” The Queen called.

 

“I’m so glad you made it, my dear boy! Ooh! Sit next to me!”

 

Speaking of the problem. Wander bounced into his seat, with that goofy smile and the Queen laughed and clapped. Hater started to stutter. “W-wander? What is he doing here? Who?”

 

“Queen Entozoa! I can’t thank you enough for inviting me and Sylvia to your swanky shindig!” Wander exclaimed happily.

 

“I can’t wait to meet all your fascinating guests!” 

 

He was bouncing up and down in his chair now, oblivious to the villains who were collectively glaring at Sylvia, who smiled back just as fiercely.

 

“And if any of you well behaved creeps get out of line, I’ve got a couple of guests I’d like you to meet too.” She brandished her fists and propped feet up carelessly on the table and Peepers felt his face heat up at the sight of her exposed legs, all toned muscle and dark skin.

 

Of course she had great legs, she came from the proud Zbornak tribe and she carried Wander around on her shoulders all the time. He stared fiercely at the table refusing to look that was until he noticed Emperor Awesome staring too. Something about his leer, disgusted and enraged Peepers. It must be because he was the perfect gentleman and gentlemen did not let ladies be leered at like that. Even if said lady beat him up almost everytime she saw him and really did have amazing legs. So he waited until she was distracted with finger sandwiches, he didn’t want her to know he was defending her. After all, she might get some stupid idea about friendship.

 

“Stop that!” He hissed at Awesome, who was still staring.

 

“What?” He whispered back not looking up.

 

“We are at a dinner party for Glorn’s sake! At least try and act respectable and stop gawking at that do-gooder!”  
Awesome glanced at him, taken back by the heat behind his words.

 

“Whoa, you really are a prude! Well for a nerd you do have a point.” 

 

Peeper felt himself relax. Good, Awesome would stop staring that lump in his throat would disappear. He could focus on getting rid of Wander.

 

“I should take her somewhere more private!” Awesome continued.

 

Peeper twitched, Awesome kept staring, Sylvia kept eating and Hater kept protesting Wander’s presence. This was going to be a long night. 

 

He pulled himself away from Awesome and tried to focus on Queen Entozoa who was saying “Wander is the most wanted fugitive in the galaxy!” 

 

Thankfully at that everyone stared at her and Awesome wasn’t staring at Sylvia.

“So impressive” she continued as Awesome winked at him and looked at Sylvia wiggling his eyebrows.

 

“Looks like someone’s got some competition!”

 

Peeper glared back, he was only drawn from his silent battle when Lord Hater stood on his chair to threaten to kill Wander. Just before he could launch lighting at Wander, he grabbed him from his chair and pulled him off. Great, just what he needed now. No one was acting like a gentleman.

 

“Excuse us, we need to use the little villain's room!” He called back soon they were in the bathroom, he stood on the sink as Hater paced and grumbled. 

 

“Sir, we’ve been over this” he said pleadingly “you can’t destroy anyone at a dinner party, it’s very rude! And the Queen is very, very particular about proper manners!” 

 

“But Wander doesn’t even want Queen Entozoa’s power, I do!” Lord Hater whined pounding his chest. 

 

He paused mid tantrum and Peepers paused mid lecture as a stall door opened and the black cube floated out and made a sound like the air was being sucked out of the room. Strange voices chanted at them in tongues they didn’t understand as the room started to spin. They both quickly avoided eye contact and if they trembled a little neither one said anything. They watched him leave only to turn around and hiss one last warning before disappearing. 

 

“Sir, let me take care of Wander.” he said straightening Hater’s bow tie “she’ll be sure to pick you if you stick to the plan and act like the perfect gentleman!”

 

“Polite, proper, witty and charming” Hater recited back before exhaling and saying “Okay, I can do this!”

 

“Hoo ha! Hate’s great!” They chanted, bumping chests and firing finger guns at each other.

 

Maybe this would work out after all, if he just kept himself from overacting and getting distracted. Peepers watched as Hater slid back into his seat just in time to witness Wander charming the Queen. Peeper had to resist the urge to facepalm as Hater stumbled through a awkward compliment and was shot down, but of course Wander’s compliment had left her in raptures. 

 

What was it about the weird little nomad that made him so charming? It was probably how genuine he was, he wasn’t here to impress the Queen, he didn’t have any ulterior motives he meant every compliment. How could the Queen not see how obviously kind and disgustingly good he was? They couldn’t compete with genuine kindness none of these villains could that isn’t what evil did! The food was served and he smiled as Hater chose the right silverware and daintily cut his food. There was no way that weird little yokel could handle this!

 

He smiled as Wander shrugged and scooped up the delicacy with his fingers, popping it into his mouth with an audible smack. Everyone stared in horror, certain he’d meet the same fate as the purple monster, even Sylvia looked up from the finger sandwiches and he could see her mind whirling just like his had, sifting through plans to protect her clueless friend. 

 

But the Queen just beamed.

 

“Oh, Wandy” She crooned “how I love your devil may care attitude!” 

 

He felt rather than saw the energy gathering in Hater’s skeletal palms and quickly snuffed it, he’d have to get rid of Wander fast, before Hater lost his cool and their chance at the empire. He slid under the table only having to crouch a little and raised his blaster at Wander’s legs as they swung happily from his chair not quite touching the floor. 

“Say goodbye, you wandering weirdo!” He hissed firing up his blaster, instantly the tight leather of Sylvia’s teal and pink whip wrapped around him and he was squeezed and smashed relentlessly against the top of the table as she continued to munch on finger sandwiches, barely moving a toned arm beneath the table. 

 

He gazed up at her helplessly, how had she even seen him? How had she known Wander was even in danger? She must have been watching him, but for how long? His head thumped dully against the table’s harsh wood but it didn’t hurt as much as what he heard next, he swore he could hear Awesome’s ridiculous theme song as he said 

 

“Better call the farmer-” He could practically hear him pose. He could picture him far too well as he heard the sound of him slapping his own legs “because these calves are ready for market!” 

 

With a vicious twist he leapt out from under the table and stood between the two, Awesome with that sleazy smirk and Sylvia looking confused as to how he could have escaped, but he was focused on Awesome, his entire body flushed with rage as he glared at him. 

 

“I told you to leave her alone, you stupid,the pathetic frat boy parading as a villain razza frazzin’ glarp boy! Do you really think you have any right to look at my enemy like that! She has taken out entire armies and fought head to head with me, she’s undermined the best of battle plans and saved thousands of planets! She is the epitome of strength, loyalty and intelligence! You really think that some sleazy, air headed freak that practically bathes in body spray even has the right to look at her? Let alone hit on her! You couldn’t handle her!” He shrieked panting heavily. 

 

He smiled victoriously as Awesome’s smirk fell, but his expression quickly changed to one of unadulterated anger. Before Peepers could make a plan or even duck, he was knocked off his feet with the full force of Awesome’s punch. His head snapped back, his helmet hit the floor and his vision swam with stars. 

 

“Like you could, you pathetic little nerd. At least you’re good for a punching bag!”

 

He pulled himself up, ignoring the swelling he could feel on his good eye and spat blood at Awesome which landed on his brand name shoes.

 

“Flarp you!” He raised his fists and prepared for the next blow, he was surprised to feel a warm arm wrap around his waist and lift him out of harm’s way and Awesome was snatched up by his collar. 

 

Then he felt Sylvia’s gaze on him, he looked up to see her staring at him with wide eyes, flushed cheeks, lips parted. She looked confused, and almost awed. He absently wondered if anyone had ever fought for her. But then he registered, she wasn’t the only one starring. His mind replayed the scene and his words over and over in his head, and he stifled a scream as he realized not only had he just done that, he’d done that in the middle of Queen Entozoa’s dinner party. His eyes grew wide and he went very still in her arms. 

 

What could he do? How could he explain? Hater was watching, he’d never live that down. What if he took away his title for this? Ugh, Wander was watching he probably thought they were best friends now. Worst of all Sylvia was watching. She’d heard all of that, every word. He prayed to all the evil gods that he would just shrivel up and die now and concentrated on not crying out of sheer embarrassment and frustration. 

“I’ll be right back, after I have a chat with these ‘gentlemen’” Sylvia said to the dinner party, breaking them out of the spell of silence that had been cast.

 

“Hm, I suppose you can take care of it” Queen Entozoa sniffed. 

 

“How uncivilized!”

 

Wander wiggled his eyebrows at her and grinned goofily.

 

“I told you he liked you!” He sang 

 

The black cube of darkness turned on them ominously, and the other villains murmured to each other their disapproval, disappointed Queen Entozoa hadn’t kicked them out too.

 

Hater looked insulted

 

“So I can’t fight, Wander at a dinner party but you can fight Awesome?”  
Sylvia sighed and headed to the hallway, Peepers in one arm, and a handful of Awesome’s collar. 

 

“So, Becks you wanna party?” Awesome said, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Peepers aimed his blaster at him and Sylvia sighed again deeper and threw open the doors, brushing past the guards who looked confused. Peepers became painfully aware of how close they were, he could feel the tension in her strong arms and see the patterns her battle scars formed on her dark skin he had to resist tracing them. She smelled like exotic spices from planets he’d never been to and he struggled to keep his breathing even. Finally she dropped them both on the floor in front of a plush couch. He noticed she’d dropped them with a little more force than necessary and winced, normally angering Sylvia had painful consequences but now there was an added twist in his stomach, he tried not to think about it.

 

“Okay what in Glorn’s name was that?” She asked her hands on her hips and an eyebrow raised.

 

Awesome looked confused “So we aren’t making out?”

 

Sylvia ran her hand over her face in exasperation, “Okay, I expected this from him, it’s not like it’s the first time, I’ve been hit on by him.”

 

“What!” Peepers snapped eyes narrowing as he spun to glare at Awesome. “Oh my grob! You never stop do you!” 

 

Sylvia snapped her whip, causing both to spin around and give her their full attention.

“You!” She pointed at Awesome “just go back,I can’t believe I’m saying this but Peepers is right, you can’t handle this” she said gesturing at herself. 

 

“Oh.” Awesome said sadly shuffling off.

 

“Yeah! That’s what I thought!” Peepers cheered, starting to follow him back.

 

“Not so fast, you optic nerd!” She said placing a hand on his head and spinning him back around. He was forcibly reminded his helmet was still on the floor when her callused fingers tangled in his hair, forcing him to a standstill he looked up at her. He tried to protest but her her eyes glittered with annoyance and her lips were pulled into a thin line and his comebacks died on his lips.

 

“What are you doing?” 

 

“Trying to destroy Wander?” He said hopefully, she shook her head and his hopes fell he’d have to find a way to explain this.

 

“No, I know what that looks like, this was weird even for you. You didn’t even try to stop Wander, you were totally focused on fighting Awesome. I didn’t think I’d have to tell you to play nice with the other villains. What’s your problem?” Her look of confusion faded, replaced by a look of amusement and that tentative awe from before

 

“Wait a second, were you...were you trying to defend me?”

 

“What! No! Why would I defend you? I can’t stand you!” Peepers stuttered pulling at his tuxedo uncomfortably.

 

“I was just being the perfect gentleman, that’s what the Queen wanted and he was staring at you and talking to you so demeaningly and I just...uh, was playing the part!” 

 

“Can’t stand me?” She repeated with a smug smile. “That’s not what it sounded like a couple minutes ago and you know I can handle Awesome, me and Wander have taken on much worse than a, what was it you said…’pathetic frat boy parading as a villain’?” 

 

Peepers was trying very hard to sink into the floor.

 

“I- I was just, it’s not like, I- I...SHUT UP” He leveled his blaster at her, but she just laughed she tossed back her head with childish abandon, her pink hair falling into her face as she laughed harder and harder even snorting a little at the end.

 

“It’s not funny!” He snapped “I would totally destroy you!”

 

But her smile only grew, and she leaned closer “What and destroy the epitome of strength, loyalty and intelligence?” She sing songed 

 

“I didn’t mean that! I was just playing the perfect gentleman!” He stood up taller and glared at her. He was met with another bout of laughter and his glare lessened it was getting harder to be angry when her eyes were sparkling with laughter and she was so close, one hand still tangled in his hair and her face just a little closer than it’d ever been before as she laughed he tried not to think about how easy it would be to lean just a bit closer and brush his lips against her cheek.

 

“Y-you the perfect gentleman!” She giggled 

 

“I am the perfect gentleman!” He retorted, outraged 

 

“The perfect gentleman who just threatened me and tried to kill my best friend.” She shot back, but she was still laughing. 

 

“You really think you were being poised? You jumped out from under the table and cussed so badly I was impressed!” She laughed and shook her head at him, but he couldn’t help but smile along.

 

“Pfft!’ She grinned,her laughter subsiding into hiccuping little bursts of giggles, punctuated by snorts that he definitely didn’t find adorable.Of course not. And if he was staring, it was only because he had to keep an eye on his enemy. And if he felt warmer and lighter and his heart was racing, it was only left over adrenaline from the fight with Awesome. 

 

“You’re such a dork.” She said with a smile. She released his blaster and stepped back with another amused shake of her head.

 

He bit his lip and shrugged helplessly, trying not to feel too disappointed at the distance between them. I would let her punch me a thousand times, to be that close again he thought. Wait what, I can’t have thought that, I can’t have done or said any of these things. It’s all got to be some kind of horrible nightmare.

 

She grinned at him, or a daydream.

 

Oh glorn I’m in deep. I have to get out of here, I have to get away from her before it’s too late.

 

“But hey, thanks.” She said leaning over and pressing a quick kiss on the top of his head. Her lips were warm and rough but her touch was so gentle, his brain short circuited the second her lips met his skin it ended far too quickly. 

 

“My gentleman.” She laughed and went to rejoin the party, leaving him swaying on his feet and trying to remember how to breathe.  
“Oh, and Peepers?” She said spinning around and fixing him with a smile.

 

“Guh?” Peepers mumbled, still incapable of simple little things like thinking or speaking.

 

“You couldn’t handle me, either.” 

 

The rest of the evening was a blur of sound and color Sylvia’s kiss had stretched,broken and burned his suspension of disbelief and nothing could faze him or even break his stupor. 

 

Demon possession, okay sure. Wander saved Hater’s life, why not. One of their worst rivals who had terrifying power an immense empire was now a sandwich, sure. He spent the whole evening stumbling around following Hater and barely registering  
he was scooped up by Hater as they ran from the laser blasts behind them. 

 

“Later, Hater!” Sylvia and Wander sang, happily heading off into the cosmos in their bubble.

 

He found himself wiggling his fingers in a wave, and could just feel the dopey grin on his face. No, no this was not good. He didn’t recover until much later in the night, when they were back in the skull ship. He had run through the rest of the night on autopilot, mumbling orders to the watchdogs that didn’t make much sense and often punctuated by the words “soft” and “warm”

 

He agreed absently with whatever came out of Lord Hater’s mouth. Which Hater took full advantage of, planning the most ridiculous things he could to see if he’d notice. He didn’t.

 

He didn’t notice a lot. 

 

So the Watchdogs joined in doodling a mustache on his upper lip he didn’t notice. He didn’t notice that instead of a new helmet he’d put a bucket on his head. He didn’t notice when his blaster had been replaced by a banana, or when several musical numbers and spontaneous fires had occurred. It was hilarious and fun, until it was getting later and they were getting worried. Eventually they tucked him in a bed in the medical wing. Doctors scurried around him and shrugged at each other, how could they diagnose lovesickness? 

 

So they left him in the medical wing for the night, cleaned up their messes and hoped he’d be better tomorrow. He hadn’t noticed anything, still in a stupor, until he fell asleep. But a thought passed through the fog in his mind and he burst up in bed.

 

“Wait, what did she mean I couldn’t handle her?” He demanded of the empty room, it didn’t answer.

 

He pulled himself out of bed and paced through the Skullship, carefully avoiding the kissing rooms. 

 

“Why does it matter, if she thinks I can’t handle her? What does any of this matter?” He muttered. But it does,his mind whispered,otherwise you wouldn’t be pacing in the middle of the night you wouldn’t have said all that or thought all that. This all seemed strangely familiar to Peepers but he couldn’t quite place it.

 

“Pull yourself together.” He told himself. 

 

“It’s just a virus or something, I’ll make a list of it’s symptoms, study it and everything will be back to normal if I just-”

 

“Hi!” Wander said brightly.

 

Commander Peepers, right hand man of one of the most feared villains in the galaxy screamed a high pitched, blood curdling scream.

 

“What are you- how did you?! Watchdogs! Wait, I’m the only, uh...stay right there!” He reached for his blaster only to find he was in a medical gown.

 

Wander smiled at him patiently “Oh, me and Sylvia come here sometimes when we can’t find a warm, dry place to sleep or if someone needs help. Thank you for inviting us on your ship.”

 

“You what?! What about security? The cameras? Where do you? What! I didn’t invite you here!”

 

“Sure you did, don’t you remember? You gave me a tour.”

 

“I-” Peepers ran his hand down his face in aggravation.  
A Watchdog, walked past and stopped. Finally, he thought, someone’s going to help me with this weirdo. 

 

“Hey, Wander.” The Watchdog said sleepily.

 

“Oh, Commander Peepers!” He saluted.

 

“Are you feeling better? We were starting to worry”

“I’m fine! What are you doing? Get him-”

 

“Hey, Ted!” Wander replied waving enthusiastically. “Can’t sleep? Want me to make you chamomile tea, I could add honey and sugar just how you like it.”

 

“Aw, that’s so nice! But I’m good. I’m just going to the bathroom. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

 

“Goodnight! See you tomorrow! Oh and tell Bill to just ask Fred out, it’ll be okay.”

 

“Will do! Goodnight, Wander!” Ted said turning a corner.

 

“Why are you giving my soldiers dating advice and making them chamomile tea when they can’t sleep? Why are you even here! Never mind don’t answer that, just come with me so I can get my blaster.”

 

“Okay” Wander agreed easily, falling in step next to him. “So you aren’t feeling good?”

 

“It’s none of your business!” Peepers snapped.

 

“Ugh, it’s way too late for this!”

“Do you want Chamomile tea?” Wander prompted.

 

“No! 

 

“How about Earl Grey? Or-” Wander had taken out his banjo and it looked ominously like he was going to start singing

 

“Fine! I’ll tell you just don’t make up a song about teas or something!” 

 

A grin slowly spread across Wander’s face.

 

“Is this about what happened at the party?”

 

“What!? No! I just was sick and delirious and saying things I didn’t mean and…”

 

Wander’s grin grew and he shuffled a little closer.

 

“So, this sickness do the symptoms include dizziness?”

 

“Yeah,” Peeper admitted. “She’s - Uh, it! It’s got me feeling like I’m constantly spinning.”

“Do you get all flushed and aflutter?” He pressed a hand to his forehead, which Peeper’s smacked off.

 

“Aflutter? That’s not a medical term, but fine I guess my temperature rises a bit”  
Peepers looked back at Wander to see he was dressed in a lab coat and glasses, scribbling intently on a notepad.

 

“I see.” He said in fake voice that was just a bit too giddy to be professional.

 

“And when did these symptoms start occurring?”

 

Peepers sighed. “I guess a while after you guys showed up, at first I thought it was just disgust or a side effect of getting hit by Sylvia all the time, but it’s getting worse.” 

 

“It is?” Wander asked, practically bouncing.

 

“Yeah, and at the party I guess it just overwhelmed me...so there that’s the sickness, now let’s-” Peepers realized he hadn’t been paying attention to where they were going and had let Wander lead him to his bedroom.

 

“Well, C-Peeps I have the diagnosis!” Wander said grandly.

 

“Okay, what is it” Peepers said flatly, at this point he’d given up he was too tired to chase Wander around and he really didn’t want to run into Sylvia. Wander ripped out a sheet of paper from his notebook and pressed it into his hands.

 

“I’m just letting you know, it’s up to you what you decide to do with this.” Wander was uncharacteristically solemn for a moment, then with an audible wink he added “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her.”  
With that he ran off yelling. “Okay Sylvia I helped the watchdog we can go now.” And disappeared in the labyrinth of halls. 

 

Peepers shook his head in bewilderment and slipped into his room, closing the door firmly behind him. He collapsed in bed, put in his headphones and unfurled the note.

 

Symptoms  
Dizziness  
Happiness  
Flushing and blushing  
Daydreaming  
Stuttering  
Sudden surges of jealousy and protectiveness

 

Peepers stopped, he hadn’t said any of these, but thinking about it he had to admit if just to himself they were all right and he was beginning to see where this was going.

Conclusion: Lovesick

 

Dear Mr. Peepers,  
I know this is scary for you and you want to fight it, you want to hide it and try to ignore it but that won’t change the fact that you’ve fallen heels over retina for Sylvia. Stop! I know you’re about to crumple this up and throw it away.

 

Peepers lowered his hand from the note in confusion, how could Wander have known that?

 

Haha, Sylvia would do the same thing, that’s the thing about you two you’re kindred spirits it’s like you were made from the same star. I know it can be scary and confusing, but you and I both know you meant every word you said at that swanky shin-dig. I’m not going to force you to do anything about it, I just thought I should give you the chance to be happy. It’s up to you.  
Love,  
Wander 

 

P.S. Sylvia thinks you’re funny and sweet  
PPS Don’t tell her I said that

 

Peepers read and reread the note he balled it up and threw it in the trash  
“In love my retina” he muttered, but the words “made from the same star” replayed in his mind  
until he fell asleep, he dreamed of exotic spices from planets he’d never been and the sensation of her lips on his head. For the first time in a long time, he fell asleep smiling.


End file.
